This post is going to be somewhat of a question period…:-) I would like some of your input, advice and suggestions for those who read this blog and myself.
The reason I called this post the ABC of parenting, is because of what I read on the cover of the book: “Have a New Kid by Friday“, by Dr. Kevin Leman. It says: How to Change Your Child’s Attitude, Behaviour and Character in 5 Days. Have you read the book? What do you think?
Do you have days that you think that all you are doing is in vain? Have you ever come to a point that you wonder if you really trained your children well, because it seems like all you have ever said has been forgotten? You ask your children to do their ‘morning chores’, and after a few years of training they still don’t have the routine memorized.
Then there are character issues, like tattling, whining, laziness… I am sure that you all have dealt with these attitudes at times.
I am sure that we all recognize that a big part of the problem lies with us as parents. Have I been consistent enough? Do I follow through when I tell them about a consequence? Often I catch myself just making threats, and that’s it. Have I trained my children to listen only when I yell, or to respond only when I call them for the third time? Are we really taking our role as parents seriously, or are we ‘following’ our children? Their wishes, their demands?
What about my example? Do I practice what I preach? Do I model the attitudes I want to see?
Another practical thing I have to work on is their schedule. I have gone from too strict of a schedule to very loosely scheduled days, and both didn’t seem to work. Children love structure and an ability to work independently, so my next goal is to revisit my schedule and tweak it so it works again.:-) It takes away the stress of always being a few steps behind everything. However, I do not like being too bound to a schedule, so it has to be flexible. ( at least for me).
I would love to hear from you what you do in order to have your children become responsible. Not as a quick ‘fix-it’, but what resources have you used, how do you train them, what are consequences you use? Do you take away privileges, or have them do chores when they don’t listen or have a bad attitude?
We all know that training and shepherding children to maturity takes patience, denial of ourselves, much love, a firm but gentle hand, but above all… grace. Grace from Above, so we can extend the same to our children. How patient is the Lord with us, who are just like our children.
Hebrews 12: 3 says: “…consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.”
But then also read the verses before: “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
If it wasn’t for God’s patience, but also for His faithfulness to us as parents, we would succumb. But now, we may go to Him, daily, for new strength every time.
Lamentations 3: It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
May you be blessed in your parenting journey!
Here is a video I came across. About the parallels in training for the Marines and our Christian life ( and training our children). Interesting.
Here are some links/resources that may be helpful to you:
http://www.nurseryofthenation.com/2014/06/when-you-need-gospel-to-make-chicken.html
http://www.largefamiliesonpurpose.com/2011/08/character-training-for-children-core.html
http://www.raisingarrows.net/2009/09/ifthen-chart/
http://www.doorposts.com/details.aspx?id=14
http://www.doorposts.com/details.aspx?id=15
Managers of their chores – Steve and Teri Maxwell
Now it’s your turn! Please share what you use for character training, discipline, consequences…Share any resources you use, methods or ideas. Maybe some encouragement for some of our readers? 🙂
lovelivelearnathome.wordpress.com 
Great topic! I hope you get many to engage.
The main thing we did, was to differentiate between training and discipline. When we train, we are putting behavior IN our children we wish to see become habits. When we discipline, our children are accepting the consequences of THEIR OWN poorly chosen actions. It helped to teach them the difference between the two and why each is important.
In terms of discipline; we never dealt with them when either of us was angry. We would settle them in a quiet place, use a few minutes to calm down and pray, then discuss with them the situation. If consequences needed to be given, it was done quickly and completely. The consequence was immediate and didn’t last beyond the moment, preventing our children from dwelling on the issue. Consequences ranged from physical punishment, losing toys, losing free time to nap, and various other means. Chores were never a punishment, that is responsibility, not a consequence of poor choices.
As for training, lots and lots of practice. Opportunities to fail were also necessary. Training merely required patience and time.
Again, great topic! I hope others chime in with their thoughts.
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Thank you very much for your thoughts! So important that children see there are ‘re-actions’ / consequences for their actions. Also, not to punish in the heat of the moment, out of anger, but calmly and with firm discipline. And with love, even if our children don’t think you are loving them when you discipline.;-)
Thanks for your input! 🙂
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